Saturday 31st December I bought in 2017 in one of my most favourite places in this world, the East coast of America ❤️
And as I enjoyed the last few hours of 2016 with my dear friend by my side, I found myself in a moment of silence, reflecting on what I truly want to work on in 2017.
Now I’m not big into ‘New Year Resolutions’.
Just because New Year’s Day has January 1st stamped all over it doesn’t mean it’s exclusively magical — everyday is magical, in my eyes anyway…
But I do believe it’s the perfect time for many of us to take advantage of the momentum while it’s there to act on your inner motivation and create change for yourself and others…
Between Christmas and New Year there tends to be a lot of focus on how we’re going to enhance our lives in the coming year by making ourselves better — and of course I’d be lying through my teeth if I said I hadn’t done that for years too!
- “I’m going to get flat abs”
- “I ate so much over the holidays, it’s so bad, but 2o1x is a New Year, new start.”
- “I’m so done with these rolls on my stomach — this year they’re going to be gone”
😣 Ugh, how these kinda things make me cringe. And the reason why they make me squirm so hard inside is this — because they don’t come from a place of love.
It’s sad but our resolutions are usually things we think we should do to fit in, to be ‘accepted’, and they usually come from feeling shame or not feeling ‘good enough’.
They come from a place of being hard on ourselves and focusing on the things we don’t like so much about ourselves, and what’s not working.
It’s a scary and judgmental place, then when we “fail” to stick to what we set out to do, our self-improvement plan becomes yet another stick to beat ourselves up with.
But motivation by shame never works, as the goddess Brene Brown always says.
And we can’t make real lasting changes in our lives unless we do so out of self-love.
So this year I have a radical suggestion around ‘resolution setting’:
How about we make a pact to be kinder to ourselves instead of setting out on a mission to improve ourselves with goals that if we stumble on and fall over, we beat ourselves up over.
Over the last 4 years what I’ve discovered about self-love is that it doesn’t come when we get washboard abs. It doesn’t come when we lose 3 stone. It doesn’t come when we land a new job. It doesn’t come when we leave single-town and find a guy, or girl, to share time with. And it 100% doesn’t come when you fall off your new year resolution wagon each year.
It comes when you have your own back. When you honour yourself. Become your best friend. When you show up for yourself EVERY.SINGLE.DAY, not just when you feel like it.
When you love yourself unconditionally even when it’s so painful you want to stop.
It’s not an easy ride, I’m still on the journey and always will be, but what I can promise you is that so far, it’s been a magical shift.
So are you with me when I say lets stop being hard on ourselves and setting resolutions from a place of fear? Instead of shaming yourself into change, reel in a dose of self-love each day, and witness what magic happens. 🙌
Here’s a handful of things I’ve dived into to practice this journey of self-love that you can follow too:
- Practice saying ‘no’… We’ve generally been brought up to say ‘yes’ to most things that come our way, but what about when deep down, we want to say no? Listen to yourself when you want to say ‘no’ to something, when you truly haven’t got the energy to give. It’ll guide you and grow your confidence.
- Stop comparing yourself to others… This one ain’t easy, and I have to remind myself of this often. But from how your body looks to how much you earn, comparing your life to another’s will only leave you feeling ‘blah’. You don’t always really know what that other persons life is like anyway. So start celebrating YOURS, and keep moving forwards towards your dreams.
- Be your beautiful you… Be conscious of when you’re worried about what people might think of you, cos’ truthfully, people only really think about themselves (most of the time!), so they’re not going to occupy their minds with thoughts of you. Start DOING. Express yourself AUTHENTICALLY. Embrace your QUIRKS. And you’ll be magnetic to what you want to achieve, and to the kinda people who will enhance your world.
- Listen to yourself… Listen to the way you speak to yourself in your head, would you speak that way to another? When you know you need to rest, rest. When you feel like moving, move. When you want to sing, sing your heart out. When you want to explore, go on adventures. Nourish your soul 😘
So flex those courage muscles and be brave. When you go into this New Year, for everyone in your life you care for, make taking care of yourself a top priority — and you’ll have a whole lot more to give ❤️
(P.S. I’m by NO MEANS a master of this stuff — this blog is just my thoughts and the message I want to share with others from the journey I’ve been on so far. So if just one person can take a little something from this, that’s my mission complete 🙂 ).
My ‘Jam’ At The Moment: Open Season — Josef Salvat